The minute we are born, we know our gender—either either boy or girl. We immediately are saturated with blue or pink, and many of us don’t have a problem with this. We’re fine with the fact that girls wear dresses and play with dolls, while boys wear pants and play with trucks. But some children insist that they were born into the wrong body. Is it just a phase? (If you can't view the video below, go here)
There are many instances of this occurring, where a child is biologically male (or female) and feels that he is female (or male).
How would you deal with this? Should parents make them act according to appropriate gender norms? Should parents allow them to be what they say that they are?
Let’s hear what you have to say. I don’t think there is only one right answer here.
This post was taken from my blog: Notes on Parenting
Also, here is an additional ABC article on transgender children: Click Here
Thursday, January 28, 2010
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I find this interview interesting especially the fact that the parents gave in to their child being that way at such a young age. I mean I don't think that a child truly understands themselves or others at age 3(the age his mom dressed him up like a girl). I really think that if the parents would continue to encourage him to be who is really is then he would eventually realize that he is a boy. We are raised in this society to believe that certain things are made for girls and certain things are made for guys. Just because a boy wants to have what girls wants is not an indicator taht they are a girl on the inside. I strongly feel that once that boy would reach puberty and his teenage years that there would be some changes to his thinking especially when his hormones kick into gear.
ReplyDeleteWhile watching the clip I was stuck with a mixture of feelings. When I first heard that the mom allowed her son to dress up in girl clothing while the husband was away, I felt sort of sickened by the whole idea - in part because it is not "correct," but also because it was done behind the husband's back. Initially I felt weird about it, like the mom was giving in to the child's wishes and was being disloyal and irresponsible. However, as the interview continued and the mom recalled some of the things the boy used to say, such as "I wish I never existed...it would be different than if I died because if I never existed, you wouldn't know..." for him to be saying something like that, and at such a young age, is profound. I'm not saying he is a girl on the inside, but I realize now that he truly believes he is, and if he believes it to the point where he feels he would be better off if he didn't exist - I just think there's so much more to it than a picky kid who needs to be disciplined. While I would love to say that if I were in that situation, I would be able to discipline my kid so much so that he/she would start believing they were their biological sex, chances are that I really wouldn't be able to perform that kind of discipline (which discipline may not even be the problem solver). If my child were wishing upon their self the end of their existence, I think I'd do the same thing as the mom. My child's life being taken is just not a chance I'd be willing to take.
ReplyDeleteWatching this clip honestly brings the feelings of confusion. It breaks my heart to see a child so confused with who they really are, and having to deal with such serious issues that no child should have to even think about at such a young age. I also look at the parents, and see how broken they are from this experience. As a parent, you live for your child and so when the mom said she would have "girl time" with Richard, it sounds like an encouragement to Richard's tendencies, when really all she wanted was to see her child happy. The parents were faced with a very rough situation. Either way, they know their son Richard will have a very rough and unique life ahead of him. This breaks my heart, and makes me sad for this family. I will say that if I had a son or daughter that felt this way I would do all I could in my power to get them help until their body matches the person/gender that they feel they are. I feel as though this would be a very rough and hard time for the child. But it would be more damaging to have such a secretive past. You would never be able to show your children pictures of when you were little. When you get into the locker room forget about changing with everyone else. I can't imagine the pressure to keep such a large part of yourself secret from everyone around you. Because if people did find out, there would be no way to ever be seen as normal again. This sort of life I would never wish upon my child, or anyone for that matter. So if my child had to take hormones, see a psychiatrist for years, then it would be worth it. I feel that we are all born with tendencies and weaknesses. Just as Peter had "thorns in the flesh" we also have thorns in the flesh that we may never get rid of and learn to live with. This will be something that a transgendered child would have to live with for the rest of his life, but it would be something that they could overcome and still find joy. God didn't give us any trial that we couldn't overcome, and I may be naive, but I see transgendered tendencies as a trial and something that is meant to be overcome rather than dealt with and incorporated into life.
ReplyDeleteAfter watching this clip in class I discussed it with everyone I met that day. My husband and friend in our bowling class, in addition to 3 of my girlfriends over dessert. I wanted to gain more insight from my friends because I was torn about the issue.
ReplyDeleteAfter talking about it with my friends, they brought up the point that 7 years old is still quite young and getting a sex change is a HUGE deal. They suggested that the parents wait until the child is 12 and can make a better decision for himself. Also, after reading the comment above, perhaps they should have waited until the child's hormones from puberty started kicking in- then maybe he would start feeling like a boy more. Also did they try any hormone sort of treatment? Could the problem be that the little boy had a low level of testosterone?
Lastly, I think the most I've learned from this class so far, is that nothing is black and white anymore. The only thing you can do is pray about your individual situation and hope that you receive guidance from God in how you are to handle the situation.
We have been discussing in class how gender is socially constructed, and I think we can see how society really pushes people into fixed boxes of stereotypes. I mean, who decided that pink is for girls and blue is for boys? While some things may be acceptable for men in one society, they might not be the same in another.
ReplyDeleteWhen a boy openly says he likes things that are generally seen as girl things, people immediately starts labeling him as gay or sissy. I think that is the big problem, we as society do not accept that people are different, and we should not try to make people behave one way or another just because that is acceptable to everyone else.
In this particular circumstance the little boy liked feeling pretty and wearing pink stuff, and why can't there be little pretty boys wearing pink stuff? Maybe if the parents had addressed this issue differently the boy could have understood the reality that he was biologically a boy, but he could still do the things that made him happy.
This is a really sad and tough issue. I think that parents can sometimes encourage such tendencies by allowing their child to wear the opposite sex's clothes and play with their toys too. I have a niece and nephew and my nephew always wants to wear his little sister's dresses, or his mom's necklaces. His parents won't allow it and sometimes for a moment he's sad about it, but then is fine as he's taught that those things are for girls. On the other hand, maybe he as well as other similar boys want to play with girl's toys and wear their clothes just because they are "off limits" making them want them even more just as they wish they could do adult things that they're not allowed to do like use the lawn mower for example. I do believe that every family's situation is different and it's important that they seek spiritual guidance for their particular child as well as professional/medical advice. As much as I wish it weren't possible, I think that a child could be born really believing that inside they are a different sex than their physical body shows. Just as many babies are born with physical defects, I don't see why hormonal defects couldn't likewise occur, and if that really is the case with a certain child and not just a parent encouraging curious tendencies, then it's really up to the parents to do what they feel is best for the happiness of their child as they prayerfully receive professional help.
ReplyDeleteSo this clip was completely disheartening for me. This would be so difficult as a parent to have a child go through this. This is serious. This is definitely a biological defect. I was completely shocked to find out that the boy started telling his mom he was a girl right at 2 years old, basically right when he started talking. I think the mom was wrong in dressing him up in girl clothes without the dad knowing. She should have discussed with him this problem. So many conflicts could have been prevented if the parents would have sat down and talked it out and shared their feelings about it. If I had a young child tell me that he didn't want to exist anymore, I would basically do anything to change those feelings and make him feel loved. I'm glad they had an understanding principal during this hard time, but it's going to get real tough when she hits high school . . . I just hope it all works out for them all without much heartache.
ReplyDelete